HUMBUGS

The ones you certainly wouldn't like to be in your documents

Anyway have a good laugh and send us your "pearls of wisdom" if you ever come across of some of them. We will be glad to add it to our existing database of translation clangers, without mentioning the name of our brilliant colleagues.

ACCEPTED AND INDEXED INTO HUMOR SEARCH, THE NET's #1 SOURCE FOR HUMOR.

Chevrolet Nova didn't do well in Spanish speaking countries ... Nova means 'No Go'...

Bacardi concocted a fruity drink with the name "Pavian" to suggest a "French chic" but "Pavian" means "baboon" in German.

A peanut-packed chocolate bar targeted at Japanese teenagers needing energy while preparing for exams ran headlong into a belief that eating peanuts and chocolate causes nosebleeds.

Parker (Pens) translated the slogan for its ink, "Avoid Embarrassment - Use Quink" into Spanish as "Evite Embarazos - Use Quink" ... which also means "Avoid Pregnancy - Use Quink."

This is a sign posted in a 4 star hotel in South France.
"Your attention please.First. It is absolutely forbidden take the cover and the counterpane to go in the garden for take sun. Secondly, it's absolutely forbid to go out by windows because all curtains are damaged. Third, you are request take care when you take shower because innondation rot the carpet. But after this instructions, you don't take care, I'll be obliged to take sanctions. The direction".

When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the USA - the cute baby on the label. Later, when investigating lower than expected sales figures, they found out that it is common practice in Africa to put pictures of the contents on food package labels.

Coors slogan, "Turn it Loose," translated into Spanish as "Suffer From Diarrhea."

Puffs tissues had a bad name in Germany since "Puff" is a colloquial term for whorehouse.

Jolly Green Giant translated into Arabic means "Intimidating Green Ogre."

When Coca-Cola first came to China, it was given a similar sounding name, but the characters used for the name meant "Bite the Wax Tadpole."

Chicken magnate Frank Perdue wants us to know that "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," but the Spanish translation came out as "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate." But he is still around, even if his name means "lost" in French.

Justice of the Peace (to bride who teaches linguistics): Do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband in good times or in bad? Bride (after brief pause): In good times.

A distinguished linguistics professor was lecturing on the phenomenon of double negatives. As he neared the end of his talk, he drew himself up and declared solemnly: In conclusion, let me observe that while there are numerous cases where a double negative conveys a positive, there is no case where a double positive conveys a negative. Whereupon, from the back of the room, arose a small voice dripping with disdainful condescension: Yeah, yeah...

One large US software company specialized in letterhead and business cards advertise on their products in France: "Imprimez votre carte de travail" which means "Green card". It seems to be an easy way to get one.

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Two soviet ships collide, one dies

2 sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter

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Never withhold herpes infection from loved one

Drunken drivers paid $1000 in '84

War dims hope for peace

If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while

Cold wave linked to temperatures

I always remember an embarrassing moment when, as a young professor, I was earnestly laboring to convey the essence of phonology, contrasting "p" and "b", and came up with a sentence something like, "Now if we give names to the two qualities, "p-ness" and "b-ness"...

As a speech therapist a number of years ago evaluating the articulation of children, I gave an articulation test to all of the incoming kindergartners. The purpose of the test was to elicit all of the sounds of English, the "zu" (pleasure) being one of them. I gave the same test over and over and in response to the pictures shown them, children said the word. For this particular sound, the target was "television." One young boy looked at the picture and said "t.v." a typical response to which I had a pat prod, "Yeah, and what's the long word for t.v.?" He looked at me very very puzzled for a long while and then he brightened up and said, "TTTTTTVVVVVVV!"

HOW TO WRITE ENGLISH GOOD :

From one school that teaches our children

Just between you and I case is important.

Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

Don't use no double negatives.

When one is writing, it is important to maintain your point of view.

Proofread your work. Do not tolerate mispellings!

Watch out for irregular verbs which have croped into the language.

Don't say the same thing more than once. It's redundant and repetitious.

If the writer is considerate of the reader, he won't have a problem with ambiguous sentences.

The smothering of verbs is a cause of the weakening of the sentence impact.

Avoid the utilization of enlarged words when shortened ones will do.

Perform a functional iterative analysis on your work to root out third generation transitional buzz words.

Make sure you hyp-henate properly.

Sentences should be written in the active voice when giving instructions, so that the subject of the action can be identified clearly.

Avoid the use of dyed-in-the-wool clichés.

The defacto use of foreign phrases vis-a-vis plain English in your written tete-a-tetes makes the sentence harder to understand.

Continuity of thought, logical development and smooth transitions are important. Never leave the reader guessing.

Beware of malapropisms. They are a communist subversive plot.

Join clauses good like a conjunction should.

Each pronoun should agree with their antecedent.

It has come to our considered attention that in a large majority of cases, far too many people use a great deal more words than is absolutely necessary when engaged in the practice of writing sentences.

Be careful of dangling participles writing a paper.

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